Thoughts

Thoughts

This weekend I reached my breaking point. I quite literally became unhinged in front of my husband and my father in law. I was surprised with how the crazy was just flowing out with no end in sight, even though I felt it coming all week.

Let me try and explain what happens, maybe by explaining it to others I can better understand myself. It’s like going to a train station or an airport knowing you will board to get to your destination, but you have no clue what time it is arriving.

I feel my panic worsening, I can picture how bad the attack will be, and I know full well I am completely over thinking every situation; yet I can’t see WHEN the attack will occur. That in turn causes more panic because I start to think about all the possible times it can happen, when I don’t want it to happen, and I start to obsess about something that may come in a day or may come in 3 weeks.

It truly sounds absolutely psychotic in my head. I feel absolutely helpless to stop something that I know is coming. How is it that possible?

4 thoughts on “Thoughts”

  1. I am also very in tune with myself and my emotions. This week I have felt just sorta “off” and I’m not completely sure why. I also have episodes of anxiety and I try to fight it the best I can. It’s hard and it even harder to explain to others who don’t go through these things.

    Thank you for sharing. It’s something we all need to openly talk about more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s been hard to just out everything out there, but I’ve realized with doing so I kind of release some of that pent up anxiety.

      We are doing the best we can.

      Like

  2. I’ve also experienced this – it’s like your stability is a cup and it fills with anxiety and other things and then it all spills over uncontrollably. I think you’ll get better with controlling it as you become more familiar with it – I really struggled with it this winter when my SAD was worse than ever, but I did a lot of self-reflection and exploration and was able to start identifying triggers and signs, so I’m hoping I will cope with it better next winter. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your feedback incredibly. I hope we both get better every day. Being able to openly express these thoughts has been a tremendous help.

      Liked by 1 person

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