So after a day of trying to keep it together I decided instead to channel my feelings into my favorite hobby.
What I’m Living By Today
I’ve hit 8 followers, yes I’m excited!!! Thank you thank you for supporting and following my blog. I know it’s only been like a week but I’m all ready excited to post every day.
I really really want to just sleep all tomorrow away. I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to try and face the day, I just want to eat and sleep. But at the same time I want to go spend time with my grandma, I want to hang out with my dad, and I want to just have my sister back in Florida.
Mother’s day sets my brain into overdrive, if you have no mother what are you celebrating? The day is meant to be celebrated with moms and your family, and also your mother, so is it ok to forego the celebrating with others if you don’t have you mom? I’m confusing myself at this point.
I don’t think because I have been raised by my family I should have to endure smiling and putting my feelings aside to make them happy. Yes I lost my mother when I was 5 months old, and yes I am now 26, but that doesn’t mean because I am older my grief has disappeared. I still struggle daily with the loss and it is not up to anyone else how quickly I grieve.
The purpose of this blog is to express that just because others feel you should have reached a certain place in your life, doesn’t mean you HAVE to reach it. It is ok to go at your own pace and do things in your own time.
Today has been ok. I’m so so so happy Friday has come and my day was not another jumble of craziness. My mind is restless, my sleep pattern has been off all week, and I think it’s finally hitting me. I want nothing more than to sleep for days but I won’t.
I will not let my anxiety grab hold and my mind send me further into a tailspin. I’m going to keep trying to be productive and get things done.
My one hope for this weekend is peace of mind and rest.