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Happy Friday

things are good. things aren’t perfect, but they’re good. I’m grateful I woke up this morning, grateful for my husband, grateful for my pups, and grateful for my friends and family.

COVID has been hard. my family (including my grandma) got it and luckily pulled through great. my friends circumstances aren’t as good, her dad is in the hospital not doing so well and it’s scary. working at a doctor’s office at risk daily is not the greatest, and thankfully we are all safe and provided appropriate PPE, but it doesn’t change the situation.

I’m just jumbled today. my motivation is low and my level of energy is lower. the

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Thoughts

My Brain Is Mush

I have officially tapped out for the day. English has never been my favorite subject, I always struggle. After having to outline my final paper as an assignment I think I am done.

I feel like my brain is a jumble of dog adoption statistics and stress. My professor is a nice one, but that doesn’t really do me much good. As of right now I am still pulling through with a low A, lets hope it stays that way after this week!

On a happier note, that means I can go on Tik Tok and do nothing for the rest of the night! Always have to try and find a bright side! Have a great night everybody!

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Thoughts

Tuesday Sucked

As I expected the day was a crappy one. I work for such amazing doctors, but that doesn’t always make up for days like today. No matter how ahead I feel I am always one step behind.

Sometimes I feel like I am ungrateful. I have a job when some people have lost theirs during this pandemic, I make above average pay when some people don’t, and yet I still complain. It’s always been told to me that even though you have problems other people have it worse, does that mean I can’t complain? That’s the feeling I have, a feeling like I have no right to complain seeing as others are in far worse situations.

I am only human though. “First world problems” sadly do exist, and I am no always going to be happy just because someone else is struggling more. My brain is normally mush by now, but I have school work. So bye for now and maybe I’ll post a bit later after I finish assignments and my brain is REALLY REALLY mush.

Categories
Thoughts

I’m back, and I’ve changed

Hi again. It’s been a bit of time since I’ve posted, and honestly I debated deleting this blog and just quitting. I never inteded this to be any more than an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations, a place to come and write out what I’m thinking with zero judgement. Somehow my mind started overanalyzing like it does and I turned it into somewhat of a “chore/assignment”. I can’t explain it, as I don’t really understand it fully myself.

Moving on. I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment. I started school to be an accountant, YAY, and I’m still employed full time. My youngest pup Lucy is still a handful and not fully potty trained, which is greeeaattttt. A lot of house projects have been getting done and will hopefully come to an end early next week!

Lets discuss the biggest issue now. My depression and anxiety. I would say after being on medication since early this year I have noticed an improvement. My panic attacks are not as frequent and I find myself less ruminating less throughout the day. However, my bad days still out number my good days, my moods are still fluctuating, and I feel like I have plateaued. Is that possible? To plateau when it comes to depression? I debate increasing medication and just trying to dig down deep and exercise. I don’t want to do the things that I enjoy doing, let alone exercise and “eat right”. That being said, I need to make a change, FOR GOOD.

I’m taking my safe space back and letting this be my outlet again. Baby steps, I need to walk before I can run. This is day one of my reset, day one of the new blog space, and day one of many many more!