Yesterday’s thoughts & Todays continuation

I’m just tired. So tired of fighting my own brain. Sometimes this depression is beyond words but I have to keep working. Sometimes I can’t think straight but I have to force myself to focus. It’s just unexplainable loneliness and feeling just inept.

Everyone says I’m strong and I can push through this, they’re wrong. I’m weak. I’m fragile. I’m brittle. I wish I could be tough, tough enough to fight this.

Waking up this morning after a good nights rest I still feel it. The sense of being alone even when surrounded by people I love, the feeling of failure, the feeling of worthlessness, that I am not enough for those around me. Nothing clears these thoughts from my brain. They distract and temporarily mask them, but they’re always there.

Morning Meditation Thoughts

I’m exhausted. I’m unsure why. Even when I do nothing I feel like I’ve been going for days.


Today was a clusterfuck

That’s it. Did it get better as the day progressed? Yes. Did it go by quickly? Yes. Did it still suck? YES.

Days like today remind me to appreciate the lazy days. The days where maybe work isn’t the busiest, and yes it may be dragging, but at least it’s not a disaster.

My back is sore, I’m beyond exhausted, and I just want to lie here and not love for the rest of the night. And that is what I shall do.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully, will be less clusterfuckish.

Morning Meditation

Give me strength

Struggling to focus on my mental health when my actual health is all over the place. I wish there was more to say or more to do but my brain is zapped. I can’t think and honestly I don’t want to fake I’m ok.

I’m not ok


Goodnight mind

It’s time for bed. Dogs are walked, apartment is locked up, and ac is just where we like it.

Cue racing thoughts and worries. My mind won’t shut off and it’s just white noise of random anxieties and worries. Some legitimate concerns and others seem more trivial but worries nonetheless.

Hopefully I’ll calm down enough to get a decent nights sleep, unlikely but one can hope!