I’m struggling to find motivation to do what I need. I can’t seem to stick to anything. Exercise, diet, logging food, etc.
How do people do it? Why do I feel so damn weak? I am disappointed in myself, I know I can do better and yet I don’t. I know losing weight is not a want but a need for my health, and yet I still can’t get my shit together.
Any tips or ideas are welcome.
Adrift in a sea of unknowns and uncertainties.
Cast away on a desolate island in my mind.
Bereft and alone in the chaos that is my emotions.
Not even sleep and daydreams can give me peace.
The hits keep coming.
How much can we take as people trying to survive daily?
What is the point of trying for better things and fighting for our dreams if only to have them slowly pulled away from you time and time again?
Why can’t life just give us a break?!
We try so desperately to follow the right path and believe that good things will come to those who wait, but moments like these it just seems like utter bullshit.
Yesterday and today have been trying. It sucks when you can’t depend on your own family, when you can’t just know that if you can’t they can.
When given a situation I always give 110%, granted most times it ends in a panic attack, but still I give all of me.
Maybe it’s unrealistic to expect the same from others, especially family. I guess I just never stop being surprised by others actions. Maybe one day I’ll be able to lower my expectations and not end up feeling like shit for things out of my control.
Sometimes you’re the bad guy. Even in those moments where you are doing everything right and putting yourself last and taking the brunt of everyone’s shit. Even when you’re crying and screaming inside because you’re giving all of yourself and no one sees it, no one cares in the least.
They expect you to power through all the bullshit and the pain, and they expect it because thats what they’ve learned. We think it’s ok to take what they dole out. We make excuses for them, become their biggest champions, and again suffer through in silence.
Yet….I’m still the bad guy.
How long before they see it? How long before I crumble? Too long and there will be no more pieces to pick up, no way to put me back together. Too long and that wall I have worked so hard to take down will come back. Too long and all the past resentment and disappointment will return. Too long and the power to forgive will be long forgotten.
Too long and I will actually become the bad guy.
Angie's Atrium 