Christmas Week

This week is a short one for me thankfully. Tomorrow is my Thursday and Tuesday my Friday, which makes me very very happy.

It’s a hard time for me due to my moms passing on the 23rd which always gets me. I can already feel it coming on and I can’t stop it, but hopefully it’s better than it normally is.

My cousins came to visit me today at my house which was a lot of fun and brought my spirits up. One of them lost her mom earlier this year and being as I am the only other person who has lost their mother it was nice to chat with her and let her know I am always here for her.

It was nice in a way to have somebody understand after all these years the hurt my sister and I have dealt with. Not that I would ever in a million years wish that on anyone. In this time of healing for her I just want her to know I am there and empathize completely.

So, here is to a hopefully decent week and the start of a great Christmas.


Moms are vital in every girls life. I didn’t have the privilege of growing up with that figure in my life. Tragically she was taken from me at 5 months old.

I know I say taken as if I’m still angry. Well I am. Angry, hurt, sad, and a whole mess of other emotions that come with never knowing the beautiful soul I hear stories of all the time.

Today is a shitty day. Mother’s Day I celebrate with my dad and sister, my grandma and aunts, but I will never be able to celebrate with my mother.

Some years are better than others, this year at this time, seeing all the pictures of my family and their moms I’m just not in a good head space. I feel alone and for all intents and purposes motherless.


I Survived

Another year December 23rd has come and another year I survive the grief that comes with it.

My mother was taken from me this day 27 years ago, I was 5 months old and in that car with my sister.

It doesn’t get easier, it never will. I can only hope and pray that I keep surviving through it.



I really really want to just sleep all tomorrow away. I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to try and face the day, I just want to eat and sleep. But at the same time I want to go spend time with my grandma, I want to hang out with my dad, and I want to just have my sister back in Florida.

Mother’s day sets my brain into overdrive, if you have no mother what are you celebrating? The day is meant to be celebrated with moms and your family, and also your mother, so is it ok to forego the celebrating with others if you don’t have you mom? I’m confusing myself at this point.

I don’t think because I have been raised by my family I should have to endure smiling and putting my feelings aside to make them happy. Yes I lost my mother when I was 5 months old, and yes I am now 26, but that doesn’t mean because I am older my grief has disappeared. I still struggle daily with the loss and it is not up to anyone else how quickly I grieve.

The purpose of this blog is to express that just because others feel you should have reached a certain place in your life, doesn’t mean you HAVE to reach it. It is ok to go at your own pace and do things in your own time.