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Thoughts

Today did not go as planned. I was super anxious for my sister to get to Florida, we had planned everything out for today so we could catch up and help get stuff for her new rental. It’s 8:31PM and due to stuff out of her control she hasn’t made it, though she is in Florida so yay!

It just reminded me how not being in control really can make me feel…well out of control. The more I think about past and future events, the more I can see exactly how controlling I am.

The way I see it if I’m not calling the shots I can’t really trust things will go the way I would like. I sound neurotic but it’s the best way I can explain it. Better yet let me give you an example. I would prefer to not go to a family function, than to go and not be prepared for any possible scenario (i.e. conflicts, criticism, being too early, being too late).

Even though I know some things will NEVER EVER be in my control, my mind is like ugh not having this find a way. That or it freaks out and panic ensues shortly after.

I’m rambling so I’ll stop here. Have a great night all!

P.S. Thank you to everyone that has followed my blog, I’ve passed the 20 mark!!

Categories
Thoughts

Confused

So I have this one person in my life, she is like an aunt though technically she is my cousin. For some reason when she speaks she has the ability to trigger so much anxiety and panic, even though she has good intentions.

Tonight I got to experience a taste of that, it did NOT feel good. She was particularly bothered I was not at our mother’s day get together, and felt that if I truly understood where she was coming from I would have showed up no matter how I was feeling. I remind you all I DO NOT HAVE A MOTHER, SHE PASSED WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

I made a point of visiting my grandma, my mother’s grave, and my father, which I told her. Lets just say how she reacted left a bad taste in my mouth, yet again.

I pose these questions in hopes someone can help me understand. Why should I have to set aside my feelings of sadness and loneliness on mother’s day to make others happy? How can I be around family, if my family is only going to make me feel like shit for trying to take care of myself?

I hope everyone’s weekend was restful, I appreciate any thoughts and suggestions for future family get togethers.

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Thoughts

Excited!

So many wonderful things are happening this weekend!!! First and foremost my younger brother is coming over for lunch.

Now this may seem like not a big deal but I have 2 dogs and he is actually scared of dogs. He’s been over once before and met them, and now this will be another play date requested by him. The house is cleaned and ready to go!!! (Some hiccups along the way almost ruined it all but thats another story..which I may post about later tonight.)

And second……………………………………………………………..pause for dramatic effect.

MY SISTER IS MOVING BACK FROM CONNECTICUT!!!

She moved away about 7-8 years ago, has since blessed me with 2 nephews that are my world, and now is moving back! I cannot wait to have her back home. I also cannot wait to spoil my nephews like crazy!

Looking forward to the next few days to the say the least!

Categories
Thoughts

Grateful

I’m blessed. I’m strong. I’m loved.

Categories
Morning Meditation

End of the Week!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!